


U(     )S

by JustSmileStuffHappens (ksz13)



Series: Buddie / 9-1-1 Prompt Fills [29]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Bad Ending, Bittersweet Ending, Deja Vu, Eventual Happy Ending, Fights, Gen, Heavy Angst, Leaving Home, Letters, Loss of Trust, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, No Happy Ending Fest, Not Happy, Phone Calls & Telephones, Trust Issues, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23063143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksz13/pseuds/JustSmileStuffHappens
Summary: Prompt: buck has been changed by the teams treatment of him and he is no longer their soft golden retriever boy. He’s quieter, more distant and cold. He’s basically a stranger and no one can reach him and more. They realize how badly they’ve been treating him when they need his forgiveness and he refuses to give it and treats them with the same “courtesy “ that they have treated him with
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Firehouse 118 Crew, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson
Series: Buddie / 9-1-1 Prompt Fills [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1582147
Comments: 1
Kudos: 171





	U(     )S

**Author's Note:**

> Go easy on me please. I'm so sorry this took so long anon but I got sick then i just didn't have time or energy. I tried covering most of the prompt requests but it was a lot, I'm rusty, and I felt bad about it because it's already late too so I feel the quality needed to be managed.

U( )S

<[The Space Between Us]>

It's been a almost a week since bucks been back on duty officially. In that time only hen has acknowledges him even a little with a short greeting or a nod. Buck doesn't blame her she's got plenty on her plate with Karen, the I.V.F. and Denny, plus taking care of herself which she should. 

Bucks a grown man as much as people tend to forget that in favor of viewing him as childish and carefree. He's taken care of himself for quite some time now after Maddie left and then he finally got to leave too.

He wouldn't lie though and say it didn't hurt. Bobby had him rearranging their equipment to be more organized for when they needed to switch out or find things before rushing to save lives. 

"Hey Buck." A voice brought him out of the monotonous task.

"Yeah?" 

It was Chimney.

"I feel bad for asking this but could you help Hen restock the ambo before shifts over. I've got a dentist's appointment and you know traff-" 

"No. Uh. Sure."

It was just another thing. Buck thought about when he'd be allowed back into the fire truck instead of being on the outside only getting to clean it.

"Thanks man. I owe you one."

"No problem."

He was now finished with his duties and coming over to assist Hen and follow her lead on what to do.

"Oh. Buckley's so desperate for getting back out there he's thinking about hopping the ambo?" Rory said. Buck didn't even turn to acknowledge their words.

"Would you mind getting out of his way? Buck's helping get more iv bags and gauze, unlike you. Go shoot the shit with Simmons." Hen said as Buck got up to get what he knew she now needed.

Buck didn't wanna make waves but the others weren't exactly subtle in how they viewed him as a traitor still. Buck still felt conflicted about it himself some days but he didn't mean to hurt the others feelings or break their trust. He just wanted to be back here with them.

No. Fuck that. He wouldn't let that get to him. 

Buck finished helping Hen then clocked out. 

He was home cooking dinner when he got a call. It was from Chimney. Probably just to say thank you. Buck let it go to voice mail. 

He didn't feel like talking right now. Couldn't trust his own voice not to crack or sound as tired and sad as he really was lately. At work it was easier but here in his place he could let go since no one was here to watch, to see. It still didn't sit well with his gut to ignore the call but once his phone stopped ringing he finished cooking his food and got ready to eat.

Buck was half a plate in before he thought about the last time he had dinner Christopher and Eddie hoping soon they could be back anywhere close to how they'd been.

He'd seen Christopher recently while dropping off something he'd ordered online for Eddie as a favor. Eddie didn't talk much it was just a quick text here and there. Carla looked happy to see him as he spoke with Christopher and played with him for a bit before leaving. 

Buck suddenly didn't feel like finishing what was left of his food. He got up to start cleaning and putting away what was left for later before bed. 

Maybe he could hand it off to Ms. Reba. His neighbor lived alone after her husband's death. She enjoyed his visits and was getting older to where it was harder to get around.

Buck decided then before getting in bed and setting his alarm that he'd take her the leftovers before going to work tomorrow. 

* * *

Decorating was buck's own personal hell. He felt how he thought an ignored wife felt. That was an odd thought. 

The season was changing and with it their holiday spree of charity and donation drives or community events. 

"Buckley that's not straight enough." Jason laughed.

"It's straight." Buck looked again. It wasn't. He got back up on the ladder and adjusted it with more tape to keep it from moving. "Now it is."

"Buck some girls here for you? Guess you've still got it. She's fucking hot. The things we'd get into, if you're not banging her at least I could," Nate said before pointing back at the entrance of the bay doors. 

Ms. Reba's daughter Liza was standing there messing with her hair looking around before she spotted him and waved.

"Don't fucking talk about her or anyone like that. Evolve out of being a caveman Nate. You too Jason." Buck squinted at Jason wolf whistling at her before mentioning her legs ignoring Buck.

"This is why you two are still single. Don't even think of talking to her." Buck closed the ladder and set it aside before walking over. 

"Hiya Buck. I was visiting mom today and she told me about what you brought. Thanks."

"It was nothing. I know she likes a short visit and she can't cook too well now. She seemed to be in a good mood this morning." Buck smiled.

"That's because she got to see you. Can't say I blame her. Ha. I think you reminded her of Trevor, my brother that's out of the country. But anyway I was bringing back this." She handed over the tupperware box he'd given her before leaving for work.

"You didn't have to-"

"No. I insisted. Plus I got to thank you for being so nice to mom. I know it means a lot to her. Have a good day buck, and I left you something in it." Liza said before turning to go. Leaving buck confused a little.

"Hey. Can I get your number pretty lady?" Jason said with an eyebrow raised as Liza turned back surprised.

"Shut up Jason. You're not her type." Buck shoved him lightly. 

"If she's into you then I don't see why not. I'm hotter and don't got dumb ass tattoos." He winked at Liza. 

Their argument even though it wasn't too loud drew the others attention. 

"Jason, was it?" Liza asked getting a nod and smirk from him. "Look it's not me, it's you. I'm just not into dicks. Of any kind," She said loud enough to get a holler from the others eavesdropping.

Jason flushed as she walked away. Buck resisted busting out laughing but some escaped his lips.

He needed this. After the week he'd been having. Jason ran right into that one and deserved it. 

Buck was going to put up the Tupperware when-

His forehead suddenly hit the glass door to the locker room before he could grab the handle and open it.

"Ow. What the fuck?" Buck turned around holding his head.

"Oh. You think that's so funny. You're the joke buck. You're not a firefighter, you're a glorified house sitter if anything." Jason was walking closer and buck wasn't gonna get taken by surprise again. He brought up his fists to block anything he might try with his arms.

"That's enough. Buck, Jason. Office now." Bobby startled them as buck internally sighed. Great.

Buck moved to pick up the container- "now buck." Bobby said. 

"Yeah Cap."

Buck left it and moved to follow them up the stairs.

Would this count as another strike? How many was Buck at again. He couldn't remember. 

"What the hell was that?" Bobby asked once they were inside and standing before him.

"Buck's got an attitude. He shoved me for say hi to his chick. Jealous prick can't handle not being on calls and having his way so he took it out on me." 

"And what do you have to say Buck?"

"He's lying. Well I did shove him but I held back and he didn't even move. He was just embarrassed because he was being disrespectful to a friend that dropped something off before leaving and got what was coming to him. Jason shoved me into the locker room doors for it."

The bruise was already forming. A side effect of the blood thinners. 

Buck would have fun explaining that when people asked. 

"It wasn't that hard. I- the medicine he's on makes it look worse Cap. Hen said so the other day,"

"That's true but neither of you should be fighting with each other. We are a team in this house. If you have a disagreement then talk it out without fists. If I'd have seen either of you throw a punch you'd both be suspended. Get out and don't pull that shit again." 

"Yes sir." Jason said. 

"Yeah Cap. I got it," buck agreed. 

"Good. You're dismissed."

Buck went out first to go put up the box before someone tripped over it. 

He shoved it in his locker before going back to putting the ladder away and finishing off the decorations he had left before his other duties.

Buck tried not letting Jason's words affect him but they were replaying in his head.

Jason wasn't entirely wrong. Buck wasn't really a firefighter again, not yet. What buck wanted felt like it was so close but every step he took made it move further away from him.

* * *

Buck was tuning up the truck and their equipment after the others returned from a callout to a warehouse fire. 

Eddie was helping him by handing off the tools he needed before he even asked for them. 

They settled into a sync together. Buck was thankful Eddie decided to help and didn't want to say anything to risk bursting the bubble of this moment. If he let his mind wander it was like the lawsuit didn't happen and they were still best friends that talked about everything.

"Thanks Eddie." Buck took a breath.

"Huh? Sure." Eddie handed buck the wrench as they swapped tools.

  
  


Buck lifted the wrench again but Eddie didn't grab it. When he looked up he was gone and buck lowered the wrench to the ground.

Eddie was already over in the locker room stripping off his over shirt and grabbing a towel. Oh. He was probably gonna catch a quick shower before their next call or they left.

Had he wanted to do that but didn't because of buck. Buck hadn't meant to hold him back even if he enjoyed his company and help.

It hurt that buck couldn't read Eddie. It felt wrong but he couldn't think of how to bring it up. That, and Eddie wasn't talking about it or he didn't feel like they needed to, it could be that he simply didn't want to. Buck couldn't tell.

He got back to finishing tuning up the truck and equipment now, alone.

* * *

Buck had just got off the phone. The chief and the captain of the 006 were asking him to come fill in for one of their guys as they were short the members all at once for different reasons.

They'd said it would be more useful of buck's skills and he might be on calls if they needed him. It was just what he wanted, to help people and save lives. They wouldn't have asked him if the two other options they had didn't refuse or couldn't fill in for the other firefighters.

Buck was given a day to decide the chief had said as they'd call the other options they had but the first to agree would get the temporary portion for sure.

He'd been rolling the thought around in his head all morning before his night shift began. The 118 hadn't felt the same since he got back. The warmth he felt in his chest walking in each day, that pride, the excitement, it was slowly petering out. Buck hated the thought that one day he wouldn't feel anything going into the firehouse, their firehouse, his firehouse.

Maybe some time away would be a good thing. Just to give buck time to clear his head and the others could have space too. Was that what they needed to diffuse the tension he felt between them?

Buck walked into the locker room and changed into his uniform. 

Chim told him good morning as he shot back a 'yeah, mornin' chim,'. 

Buck got to work mopping up the bunks and restroom before their lite early dinner.

Things were quiet as he finished up before joining them.

Buck sat down and was enjoying the food Bobby had made. 

He was half though when Bobby clearing his throat got buck's attention.

"Yeah cap?"

"When we're you gonna tell us about you joining the 006?" Bobby asked causing buck to nearly choke. 

Chim and Eddie both patted his back together as Hen shot a look between them. 

"What?" Buck was thrown for a complete loop.

"The Cheif mentioned it this morning while we caught up. Took me by surprise too. You could imagine my confusion when I found out and asked him to repeat that." Bobby's smile didn't reach his eyes.

"I- they just- I didn't accept it yet" Yet! Why the hell had that come out of Buck's mouth.

"He's telling the truth?" Eddie asked. "You're leaving?"

"I- they need help and I'm not doing much here. Y'all don't really need me," It feels like you don't want me.

Buck felt like he was having déjà vu as he looked at Bobby.

"So you went behind my back to jump ship and go with them?" Bobby accused even if it sounded like a question.

"No! I- I would have told you before I ever agreed. They just called to ask me. I still have till tomorrow to decide. What, only you can go behind people's backs?" Buck shot back.

"I'm your captain. I was looking out for you Buck, and I'm telling you it was too soon. It was then and it still is,"

Hen and Chim looked back and forth between them but Eddie's gaze was locked on Buck during their entire exchange.

"Maybe to you but I proved it. I didn't lose the suit, I won. I just didn't want the damn money. More people than just me think I could have come back. You held me back and you didn't even say anything about it that while time when I was fighting against what you did. I felt like such an idiot. I trusted you." Buck couldn't do this. Not again. 

As if some higher power took pity on him the alarm came to life. 

Buck and Bobby stared each other in the eye as the others were already going to get ready.

"You've got people to help Cap. They're more important than this," Than me. Buck got up. 

He hated that the only reason he got up was to get what everyone left, it wasn't to join them in the truck on the call. Maybe it'd never be. That's how it felt at this rate. 

"We're not done." Bobby said as he went to join them.

Buck didn't know whether to laugh or cry when they came back only to be called away again.

It felt like his mind was being made up for him.

Buck left a signed note on Bobby's desk before he clocked out. The crew from the next shift didn't mind him as he packed in his stuff and left.

Why couldn't they see it from his side like he'd tried? Buck didn't care if he had to wear damn bubble wrap to go on a call if it'd put their minds at ease. He got that he was at risk but they all were at risk every day in their line of work his was just bigger now.

Buck steeled himself as he got in his jeep. He'd call the chief when he got home. The drive would help. 

'Dear Bobby, 

I didn't lie. I would have told you and that's why I'm writing this. I don't know how to get you to understand that I know the risks. I had to live with them after the embolism and tsunami. They told me about them repeatedly when I woke up and every day before I left the hospital. Even when I went back in. I can recite them by heart now. Don't rip your hair out I'm on the reserve team for the 006 same as here I guess, I probably won't even get on the other truck besides to detail it. Maybe they won't be afraid they have to use kid gloves with me like you do. This is my official notice of transfer. The chief will confirm it tomorrow. This place is still my home, even if it doesn't feel like it. I hope when I come back it won't feel like it has for the last week and a half. I want to forgive you for what happened but to be honest with you I don't know if I ever fully can. I know I was wrong and I know I'm sorry but I wasn't the only one that made mistakes or who was at fault. Do the other's know what you did? I can't remember but I think they deserve to know since you brought it up. If you won't tell them then I guess I have to.

Sincerely, Buck' 

Buck looked at the firehouse as he started his jeep. Why did it feel so final? It shouldn't be. It wouldn't be. It couldn't be. But- the firetruck carrying his friends, his family, rolled down the street.

He felt like a coward for doing this but he didn't give it a second thought as he pulled out and left to go home.

Sure they'd see he wasn't there but a part of him felt like it didn't matter. How could they miss him if he already felt like he was gone to himself.

Buck ignored the texts and calls as he was driving. He couldn't go back. He couldn't look back. Buck just couldn't- Maybe he needed time too, not just them. 

"I'm sorry." He whispered. Buck didn't know who the apology was for. Bobby, the team, himself.

Autopilot took over his body as he got to his apartment and went in. He had an important call to make.

Buck cleared his throat and fought against himself to keep it all in as he called the chief. 

He'd cry in the shower before sliding into bed. No one could see so he would let it out. It hurt. Worse than anything else. Buck just hurt so damn much.

Guilt would seep into his soul as he thought about the other station. The 006 were good guys if not showboating jocks. He knew a few of them at least. 

It wouldn't feel the same. Nothing would ever feel as right or the same as the 118. 

-

It was a few days later and buck finally got a hold of himself. He felt his composure was enough to call the others. He was meeting them and Maddie for brunch.

He walked in to see Maddie and Chim sitting with their coffee. 

"Hi Buck." "Hey little brother." They smiled as he came over to kiss his sister and nod at Chim.

"Can I get a coffee and more creamers." Buck ordered as he sat down.

"What's this about a fight at the station?" Maddie asked. 

"We didn't fight or argue. Bobby blew things out of proportion and it got out of hand like I guess it always does now. It just went too far." Buck frowned.

"No. Chimney told me some of that. If you want or need to transfer for a bit or permanently then do it. Bobby will have to come around to handling it. Who fought you at work?" Maddie clarified.

"Oh. That. No. Jason was just being a dick. Liza, Ms. Reba my neighbor's daughter, put him I'm his place. He didn't take it too well."

"Do I need to give him a right hook?" She joked as Hen came to sit beside buck.

"Oh. Maddie's gonna fight someone. Give me front row seats." She laughed. 

"Hey." Maddie and Chim said in unison.

"Oh. Um. Eddie couldn't make it. He said he had to take Christopher somewhere important. Guess he had an appointment at a doctor or something. He said to tell you." Hen said while telling the waitress her drink and they put in their order.

"Oh." Buck felt and heard his phone go off. Eddie sent a message of sorry and he'll catch up with him later. He sent back a reply of 'it's okay. You take care of yourselves. I'll see y'all some other time."

"So what's this about going behind people's backs?" Hen asked jumping right into it.

"Well. Back before the lawsuit, I was trying to get back on duty but kept hitting red tape and shit. You know about that part but I didn't find out until just before I filed it that Bobby was the one who said I wasn't ready."

"He did what?" Chimney asked.

"I thought it was the chief or maybe someone else but it was him, it was Bobby. He was pushing back every time. I was so surprised by it and I just reacted. I excused myself from Athena's dinner table and booked it. Then what Chase said finally got to me so I filed the lawsuit. Only it didn't work out and I was so stupid. I told him stuff I didn't need to and it didn't get me my job back. They wanted to just give me money to leave and never come back. I couldn't do that no matter how much money it was, I didn't care what Chase thought."

"How much money?" Maddie squinted. 

"Something like millions. But it didn't matter. I didn't want that. I wanted my job, my family, my life back. Maddie." Buck explained.

"But you have them regardless, and you were a fire marshal."

"It wasn't enough. It's not the same. You don't get it." Buck sighed.

Chimney and Hen were both still wrapping their heads around what Buck said.

"No. I might not get it completely but I'm trying. I know the job means a lot to you, you said it loud and clear before. But it would not and will not be the end of the world for you. You're back on duty, not working fires but there's a chance there. And as much as I don't like the danger I know you can handle it and yourself."

"Thanks Mads."

"Buck, I can maybe see why Bobby did it, but, not telling you for so long though. That's-" Hen couldn't find the right word.

"You're always welcome back kid. It's not the same without you." Chimney patted Bucks arm.

"Thanks" buck sighed again before looking down. "But they still need me at the 006. Who's mopping the floors while I'm gone?" Buck asked trying to lighten the mood.

"Jason. After the stunt he pulled." Chim answered with a shrug. 

"Maybe he'll be less of a dick when he's done." Hen suggested.

Their food came out soon after that. They ate taking turns tossing jokes and filling each other in on what had happened both in their personal and work lives.

Buck still wanted an apology from Bobby but didn't know if or when he might ever get one. 

His eyes went to his phone as he got another message from Eddie.

'If you need anything I'll be there. You and Chris doing okay?' Buck shot off as Maddie swapped food with Chim to Hen's eyeroll. 

Buck didn't see the reply until later. 

'I know. I'm handling it, but thank you. It's just been rough. You busy later? Feel up for a movie night?'

Buck should go to sleep later on but seeing them was wroth missing a few hours rest before going in for work. He'd agree. He always would.

He didn't look forward to telling Eddie. Hell, Buck wasn't even sure if it'd be a good time or if he would have enough time before he left.

If he couldn't Hen or Chim would pass along the information like they usually did. They shared a lot so nothing stayed hidden for long and without a good deal of effort.

For now buck soaked in the good feeling of being with his friends and his sister. The other stuff could wait. He'd work on it in a while, it wouldn't get done without trying. Buck could only hope for the effort from the other end. 

**Author's Note:**

> https://justsmilestuffhappens.tumblr.com/post/612002787618914304/prompt-buck-has-been-changed-by-the-teams
> 
> The end is openly hopeful. If you know the plot you'll know there's other bumps in the road ahead for them all. It could be as sad or happy as you want I'm not gonna add more. I've got prompts and I'm tired with only a little time between responsibilities y'all. Hope it didn't hurt too bad or feel off by a lot.


End file.
